log 05 - 6/26/26 - 12:49 am
Can’t sleep.
I guess it’s like… I don’t know. Nothing bad actually happened today. But it still sorta feels like a bad day anyway, yknow, like today was okay but it wasn’t good- so it was bad, I guess. I dunno.
It’s like… sometimes I’m excited for stuff but bc I have like no interests other than a select rotation people stop being all that interested in what I’m interested in, and then when they’re done and I’m not it’s like, man, now what? Cause I don’t wanna stop hanging out, but what’s the point of hanging out with someone you don’t have a reason to, I guess. I was hanging out with Mav today and I wanted to keep looking around in Spencer’s but it’s just like, not his vibe. And I get that I don’t blame him for it. But y’know, like, I was excited I guess? Shopping isn’t fun by yourself- at least for me- and Mav is my best friend; I guess I just. Wanted more fun. But you know he had his own store he wanted to check out and I didn’t have any interest in it so I told him to go for it and we’d meet up later but actually I just went to our meet up spot and waited for him. That’s kinda lame huh…
The motivation was just gone I guess.
UGH! Whatever gn
log 04 - 6/12/26 - 3:02 am
Anyone ever rewatch old shit and get back into it? I was rewatching Ruby Gloom and somehow forget how fun it was- like I used to love watching it while I was eating or taking care of the cats, and now i'm older and i'm still digging it. Lowk feel old just thinking abt it. Hot Topic used to sell shirts of Ruby... but seriously you can't PAY me to go in there. It's kinda like... embarrassing? Like look at me yk, the emo larp cutting for attention- i'm going into Hot Topic bc that was soooo cool before it got fucking gentrified or some shit. Like how lame can u get? XD
My mom used to like Ruby tho. She said she reminded her of me. I guess I can kinda get that... but I think she just liked having that connection with me on something we could both be into, yk? Sometimes I miss her, and sometimes i'm glad she's outta my life. I guess it's like, in some ways I don't blame her and in others it's really seriously her fault. And sometimes it's like, I don't wanna be the guy that just blames everyone else, but also idk I still blame her partly. I mean obvi my dad is worse. Like, drinking isn't really a hobby Franklin go piss in someone else's lawn. He was such an ass. And also he wasn't even a fun drunk, just the lame angry kind that threw shit, like at least be fucking creative ykwim?? GOD I still think he's a pos.
One time when I was 15 Frank got crazy drunk and wandered into my room and tore off all my fucking posters bc he thought they were "faggy". Idk Frank watching men in short shorts and cleats banging their bodies together seems FAGGIER!!!!! UGH. And another time, he got pissed cuz I was growing my hair out, and he was tryna cut it but his hand kept teetering- mom had to pull him away and she almost got stabbed. Some fucking skill he had. Craziest thing ever, that that woman stayed with him.
...ehhhh idk. Anyway.
Wish I got to bring Biggie and Nova with me when shit hit the fan. I guess I couldn't have cared for them the way I would've wanted to but... idk. Always made me sad I had to let them go. For all the shit my mom DIDN'T do I hope she kept up caring for them.
Anyway if any1 has a Ruby Gloom tee, in mens M, hmu :P
log 03 - 5/06/26 - 11:27 pm
It is soooo hard to think of what to type sometimes- I don't rly like updating unless I have smthn to say, but then sometimes it's good to just type smthn out, yk? Kinda like, you gotta get into the habit of it all. I know lots of ppl do and when I was younger I kept a diary so that was easy, but I think with the whole, internet getting more internet-y thing, idk feels like sooo much more AND so much less is happening all at the same time, ykwim? Like there's probably smthn cool to talk abt but I don't even realize it cuz it's like normal to me.
I think I use kinda too much. My dad used to hate it, but idk, I didn't think it was a big deal. But then he thought everything was end of the fucking world, god, he was so fucking stupid it's CRAZY my mom stayed with him. Lowkey hope their house blows up idk. Stupid asshole took all my shit too... man that was forever ago now. Mav was sooo pissed I had to remind him abt HIS dad and how mad HE'D be if he knew Mav was picking fights with ppl he totally can't win against, but it was rly nice that Mav thought abt it. Sometimes he's an ass, but yk, he's my best friend, it's nice that he's got my back.
Mari totally can't know abt that shit tho. She'd be so pissed. And I don't wanna deal with that asshole again- what a total loser.
I am DEAD tired i'm gonna sleep
log 02 - 4/25/26 - 3:12 pm
You ever watch something and feel old? Yesterday I saw on the news that a theme park in town I used to hit up was closing down, and that really hit me. Like- damn! We're all growing up, yk? And isn't it kinda crazy that like, the whole world is growing with us? Sometimes it feels like i'm just on my own like this, and then I remember that there's tons of people out there I don't know about, doing all sorts of things, and making choices I can't have a say on, that affect my life in big and small ways. It's kinda creepy, kinda cool.
Where do all those abandoned rides go? I guess I could google it but like, idk it's kinda weird to think abt. Man whatever.
Saw an ad for a new movie coming out and it was sooo shit. Don't even remember the name it was just THAT bad. And it doesn't seem like the so-bad-it's-good kinda bad, it just seems like a BAD movie. Hoooly shit it looked ass. I showed it to Mari and we were laughing abt it for forevvver it was so shit, but then, I guess some people are into shitty movies like that. I for sure can't, but idk if it makes ppl happy I can't rly judge themm.
Nah im just fucking with you you gotta be shit outta brains to be into slop like that.
Think it was like, a horny version of Pinocchio? Like it was weird. Some guy made of wood or smthn. And then horny shit happens. Laughing abt it with Mari was fun but fucking after was better, so maybe I should look into more shitty films.
Sooo super bored these days.
I gotta pick up a new hobby. Smthn actually fun. Mav's got hunting which is like, his thing I guess, and I can't pick up a gun for shit so I can't rly join him. But idk what i'm into, yk? I guess there's prolly smthn, I just dunno what.
Ugh i need to go back on meds. Ts blows.
log 01 - 2/23/26 - 10:24 pm
Had to reset my blog. Really fucking annoying, but wtvr-
Got extra work today, which kinda sucked.
It was generally easy, so I can't like, complain, i guess- but still, cmon. Thousand bitches in this sea and none of them can take over a project? Seriously? And this shit was competitive too. I'm the only guy working the red room, so... like I need people to start getting off their ass and helping out. Yk? It's seriously so annoying. I can't be doing other people's work just bc they're busy
But aaaaanyway. I also got a new CD brought in, which was SO exciting. I've been rly decking out my CD player, and I think it's seriously coming along now, but yk,
we'll see how cool it gets at the end XD.
Mav was shooting at the range today too, and he was yapping oooon and on abt him and Isaiah goin on a date, which yk, cute n shit, good for him. But he was talking so much he kept fucking up his shots. That was sooo fucking funny, he is so lame it kinda kills me- but also good for him, yk? Like, he really needed a win and I guess Isaiah was that for him.
Also I hung out with Mari. She also thought it was bullshit I got extra work, so glad i'm not fucking crazy, cuz isn't that so shit? Like, UGH! FUCK! Idk i'm still just so fucking annoyed abt it like what GIVES? But regardless yk, she at least cheered me up, so I gotta thank her for that. She's the best. I got to eat lunch with her and it was really fun just hanging out and talking abt lame stuff- like, lame in the way where it would be lame if you talked abt it with anyone else like the weather or something, but like, she makes it cool. Idk she makes everything cool, it's one of the cool things abt her. She's always got weird shit going on in her head and it makes you wanna get to know her, ykwim? Idk I guess I got lucky. Not to be weird, but i'm glad we met. N other sappy stuff.
Anyway idk that was my day. nice